Dealing with Adult Bullying
When we talk about bullying, we think of school yard scenarios involving children. It is important, however, to consider the impact bullying can have in the context of adult interactions. The outcomes of the bullying can be equally as severe for adults as it can for children, including feelings of anxiety, fear, depression and lowered confidence and self-esteem.
What is the Difference Between Child and Adult Bullies?
Like child bullies, adult bullies may use strategies such as intimidation, exclusion, and harassment, however adult bullies can also be more sly, subtle, and difficult to expose. It is also important to note that often these people do not consider themselves to be a bully.
Why Do Adults Bully Other Adults?
There are a number of reasons why adults bully. Bullying can arise from a desire to exert dominance, a need to bolster one’s own fragile self-image, or from a profound lack of empathy or recognition of wrongdoing.
Adult bullies are usually motivated by the same things as child bullies. That is, they are often compensating for a sense of powerlessness by exerting their will over another. As such, when dealing with these bullies it is important to realise that it is not about you, and that you have done nothing wrong.
Signs that an Adult is Bullying You
Here are some indicators of adult bullying
- Ignoring Others’ Boundaries on Purpose: Adult bullies often disregard the personal limits or rules others have set for themselves. This can manifest in various ways, such as repeatedly contacting someone after they’ve asked for space, or overstepping in professional or personal settings by not respecting privacy or confidentiality.
- Personal Insults: Bullies often resort to attacking someone’s character, appearance, abilities, or background. They might use derogatory names, mock someone’s achievements or failures, or make fun of personal traits like weight, intelligence, or socioeconomic status.
- Disrespecting Personal Space: They might invade physical or emotional space without permission. This can include standing too close during conversations, touching others inappropriately, or intruding into someone’s personal life by asking overly personal questions or making unsolicited comments.
- Public Shaming: This involves any act that humiliates or embarrasses someone in front of others. Examples include sharing embarrassing photos or videos, making sarcastic or belittling comments in public forums or meetings, or orchestrating scenarios where the victim is set up to look foolish or incompetent.
- Online Harassment: With the rise of digital platforms, bullies have new avenues for their behavior. This includes cyberbullying through social media, emails, or messaging apps. Tactics can involve sending threatening messages, spreading rumors, doxxing (revealing private information about someone online), or creating fake profiles to harass.
These behaviors not only cause immediate distress but can also have long-term psychological impacts on victims, affecting their self-esteem, mental health, and social interactions. Recognising these signs is crucial in addressing and mitigating bullying in adult environments, whether in workplaces, social settings, or online communities.
How to Deal With an Adult Bully – 5 Strategies
1. Avoidance
As an adult, we generally have more opportunities to avoid bullies. We do get more say in how we spend our time. We can ask to work away from the person, (ie. on another project) and attempt to avoid situations where you need to be alone with the bully. If the bully is in your social group there may be ways to see the other people without them. This strategy will not always be possible or appropriate however, it is important to know that bullying is not an acceptable behaviour in any age group.
2. Ignore Inappropriate Behaviour
Bullies are sometimes driven by a sense of power. Like a kid with a new toy they get a kick out of pushing a button and seeing what happens. However, if the button does nothing the child will stop playing with the toy. They often thrive on emotional reactions, so by staying calm, you deny them the satisfaction they seek. Practice deep breathing or use visualisation techniques to keep your emotions in check during confrontations. If we give no response to the bullying behaviour we are sometimes able to remove the reason or benefit for the bully to continue. Some suggestions may be:
- If someone keeps making jokes at your expense, laugh along with them.
- If someone makes sarcastic, fake compliments, thank them.
- When someone says something rude, pretend that you didn’t hear them.
- If someone harps on the same mistake or accident you made, tell them that is now in the past.
3. Be Assertive
If the Bully is still not responding, assertive communication may be helpful. That is, without being emotional or reactive clearly explain
1. What it is they are doing,
2. How it is affecting you, and
3. What you would like as an outcome.
Prepare for a response but remain calm and remember that often the bully is not expecting you to stand up for yourself and will likely be caught off guard as well.
Clearly define what behaviors you will not tolerate. If a bully crosses these boundaries, address it immediately. Say something like, “I am not comfortable with you speaking to me that way,” or “Please respect my personal space.” Consistency in enforcing these boundaries can deter further bullying.
4. Talk to Someone
Should the bullying persist, it is important to consider getting your own support. Ideally, this will be someone in authority who can help mediate the situation (usually someone in HR), but if not, someone who can actively listen, help you gain perspective, and remind you that it is not your fault like a counselor or adult therapist.
It’s not weak to reach out to others for help with your situation. It’s good to attempt to handle things on your own first, however, some battles just can’t be fought alone.
5. Document the Behaviour
First – make sure you accurately document what’s happening. Having a list of specific times the bully has overstepped their boundaries will make it hard for them to refute the claims. Keep a record of each bullying incident, noting dates, times, locations, what was said or done, and any witnesses. This documentation can be crucial if you need to escalate the matter formally, whether in a workplace or legal context.
Second – If you think you need to get others involved, there are some steps you can take to help ensure you get results. Talk to witnesses who have seen how the bully acts toward you. Write down what they saw and ask if they’d be willing to vouch for you. If you don’t have any witnesses, arrange for some to be around the next time you have to interact with your bully. The more evidence you have, the more likely higher-ups or HR will be able to help you.
We Can Help
The Psych Professionals are able to provide support and treatment for people who have been bullied as we offer individual counselling. If you have any further questions or would like to book an appointment, please contact our Loganholme office on (07) 3801 1772 or at Capalaba on (07) 3823 2230. We offer remote telehealth consultation or if you are in Cleveland or Loganholme in QLD, Australia book an in-person appointment with our psychologists
Here’s a unique rewrite of the post from Arcadian Counseling on dealing with adult bullies:
5 Strategies for Handling Adult Bullies
Adult bullying can be subtle or overt, but its impact is always significant. Here are five approaches to manage such situations:
Seek Support:
Don’t go it alone. Talk to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer support or act as witnesses. In professional settings, consider speaking to HR or a supervisor. In personal life, support networks can provide emotional backing and sometimes direct intervention.
Document the Behavior:
Keep a record of each bullying incident, noting dates, times, locations, what was said or done, and any witnesses. This documentation can be crucial if you need to escalate the matter formally, whether in a workplace or legal context.
Remember, adult bullying is never acceptable. If these strategies don’t suffice, seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist might provide additional tools to handle such challenges effectively.
Please note, the above content is a unique interpretation and not a direct quote or paraphrase from the original source. However, if you need to cite this for any reason, you can reference it as follows: