Sometimes you can tell that something is wrong before someone actually says it. They might seem quieter than usual, stop replying to messages, cancel plans they would normally look forward to, or simply seem a little different. When you notice those changes, the question often asked is how do you know whether you should say something and what do you actually say?
R U OK? Day is on Thursday, 10 September 2026, with this year’s message being “Ask R U OK? Any Day.” It is a reminder that checking in with the people around us shouldn’t be something we only think about once a year. Someone might be struggling on a random Tuesday after a difficult day at work, during exam season, after a relationship breakdown or while dealing with something they haven’t told anyone about yet. R U OK?’s 2026 campaign encourages people to trust their instincts and start a conversation when someone is on their mind.
How do you ask someone if they’re OK?
R U OK?’s approach to starting these conversations is built around four steps: Ask, Listen, Encourage Action and Check In. While that sounds straightforward, asking someone about their wellbeing can still feel surprisingly difficult, particularly when you care about the person and you’re worried about getting it wrong. R U OK? recommends thinking about whether you’re in the right headspace, whether you have enough time to genuinely listen and whether you’ve chosen an appropriate moment to talk.
You don’t need to sit someone down and make the conversation feel like an intervention. In many cases, it can happen naturally while you’re having a coffee, driving somewhere, walking the dog or simply sending them a message because they’ve been on your mind. You might say, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit quieter lately. How are you actually going?” or “I might be completely wrong, but you don’t quite seem like yourself. Is everything OK?”
There isn’t a magic sentence that will make someone open up. What matters more is that the question feels genuine and gives the other person an opportunity to talk if they want to. R U OK?’s How to Ask R U OK? guide has further advice on recognising when it might be time to check in, preparing for the conversation and working through the four steps.
What if they say they’re not OK?
This is often the part people worry about most. Asking “Are you OK?” is relatively easy when you’re expecting to hear “Yep, I’m fine.” It can feel very different when someone looks at you and says that, actually, they aren’t doing very well.
You might immediately feel as though you need to fix the situation or come up with the right advice. You don’t. Your first role is simply to listen and give them the space to explain what is happening in their own words.
Try not to rush to fill every silence or immediately offer solutions. Instead, let them talk and ask gentle questions that help you understand what they’re experiencing. You might ask, “What’s been happening?” or “What’s been the hardest part?” You can also acknowledge what they’ve shared by saying something as simple as, “That sounds really difficult,” or “I’m glad you told me.”
R U OK? recommends listening without judgement, taking what someone says seriously and giving them time to think rather than rushing to fill silences. Their How to Ask R U OK? resource also provides examples of questions you can use to keep the conversation going. Listening doesn’t mean that you need to agree with everything someone says or have an answer ready. It means giving them the opportunity to feel heard before deciding together what might be helpful next.
How can you support someone without trying to fix everything?
When someone we care about is struggling, our natural instinct is often to try to make things better. If your friend is overwhelmed, you want to take something off their plate. If your child is struggling at school, you want to solve the problem. If your partner is stressed, you want to make the stress disappear.
But sometimes support isn’t about fixing the situation. It can be much more useful to ask the person what they actually need from you. You could ask, “What would be helpful for you right now?” or “Is there anything I can do to make things a little easier?”
They may want practical help, someone to listen or assistance finding professional support. They may also say that they don’t know what they need yet, and that’s OK too. R U OK?’s When Life Happens resources provide further guidance on supporting people through difficult periods and navigating life’s ups and downs.
How can you support different people in your life?
There isn’t one perfect way to check in with everyone. The way you approach a teenager may be very different from the way you approach your partner, parent, friend or colleague. Age, personality, circumstances and communication style can all influence what makes a conversation feel comfortable and supportive.
Checking in with a child or teenager
Young people don’t always find it easy to sit down and explain exactly what they’re feeling. You might notice changes in their behaviour before they tell you what’s going on. They may be spending more time alone, becoming more frustrated, avoiding school, struggling with friendships or simply seeming different from usual.
Rather than turning the conversation into a formal sit-down discussion, try talking while you’re already doing something together. A drive, walk, meal or trip to the shops can sometimes create a more relaxed opportunity to talk. If they tell you that everything is fine, you can still let them know that you’ve noticed and that you’re available if they ever want to talk.
For young people supporting their friends, R U OK?’s #FriendBetter resources cover situations including study pressure, financial stress, relationships and mental health, with practical guidance on how to notice changes and have those important conversations.
Checking in with a partner or close friend
When you know someone well, it’s tempting to assume that you already know what they’re thinking or feeling. However, even people we’re closest to can be dealing with things they haven’t shared with us.
If your partner or friend has seemed distant, irritable, exhausted or withdrawn, try asking rather than making assumptions about why. Let them know what you’ve noticed without telling them what you think is wrong. A simple question about how they’re really going can give them the opportunity to tell you what’s happening in their own words.
R U OK?’s When Life Happens resources and #FriendBetter are particularly useful when someone is going through a difficult period, whether that’s related to relationships, work, grief, financial stress or another major change.
Checking in with a parent or older loved one
As people get older, changes such as retirement, grief, loneliness, relocation or changes in health can affect their wellbeing. These things aren’t always obvious, particularly if someone isn’t comfortable talking about how they’re feeling.
Checking in doesn’t have to involve a serious conversation. A regular phone call, coffee, walk or visit can provide an opportunity to stay connected and notice how someone is really going. Sometimes those ordinary conversations are where the important things eventually come up.
R U OK?’s Your Natter Matters resources have been developed specifically to help people recognise when an older Australian might be struggling and feel more confident starting a conversation. The resources include a conversation guide, activities and other practical tools.
Checking in with a colleague
You don’t have to know someone particularly well to notice that they aren’t themselves. Perhaps a colleague who is normally involved in conversations has become unusually quiet, seems overwhelmed or has started withdrawing from the people around them.
If you’re concerned, find an appropriate private moment and ask how they’re going. You don’t need to ask about their personal circumstances or expect them to tell you everything. Simply letting them know that you’ve noticed a change and are happy to listen can be a thoughtful way to check in while still respecting their boundaries.
R U OK? also has resources for everyday and specific workplace resources designed to help employers and employees create a culture where meaningful conversations about wellbeing can happen throughout the year.
Checking in with someone who communicates differently
Not everyone communicates their feelings in the same way. Some people find talking about emotions difficult, while others may feel more comfortable texting, writing things down or talking while they are doing another activity.
If you know how someone prefers to communicate, take that into consideration rather than expecting them to respond in a particular way. A supportive conversation isn’t about making someone communicate in the way that feels most natural to you; it’s about creating an opportunity for them to communicate in a way that works for them.
R U OK?’s Neurodivergent resources provide guidance for supporting neurodivergent friends, family members and colleagues, with a focus on considering how someone best takes in information and communicates.
Checking in with someone from a different community or background
Our experiences and the way we communicate can be shaped by culture, community and circumstances, so a one-size-fits-all approach won’t always feel right. Taking the time to understand what might help someone feel comfortable, respected and supported is an important part of having a meaningful conversation.
R U OK? has developed resources for a range of communities, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, LGBTIQ+ communities, sporting communities and rural and remote communities, as well as translated resources in a number of languages. You can explore R U OK?’s community resources here.
What if they’re going through a natural disaster or emergency?
Some circumstances can turn someone’s world upside down very quickly. Bushfires, floods, storms and other emergencies can affect someone’s sense of safety, routine, finances, home and connection to their community, and the emotional impact can continue well after the immediate event has passed.
If someone you know has been affected, you don’t need to know exactly what they’re feeling before reaching out. R U OK?’s Mateship Manual for natural disasters and emergencies provides practical guidance on recognising when someone might be struggling and how to support them during and after an emergency.
For people living in rural and remote communities, R U OK? also provides a Rural and Remote Mateship Manual, which acknowledges some of the additional challenges that can come with isolation, fewer services, natural disasters and the pressure to simply “tough it out”.
What if they don’t want to talk?
Not everyone will be ready to have a conversation when you ask. They might tell you that they’re fine, change the subject or simply say that they don’t want to talk about it. While you may be worried about them, it’s important to respect their decision rather than pushing them to open up before they’re ready.
You can let them know that you’re there if they change their mind. Something as simple as, “That’s completely fine. I just wanted you to know I’m here if you ever do want to talk,” keeps the door open without putting pressure on them. R U OK? also suggests letting someone know you remain concerned and asking whether there is another person they would feel more comfortable talking to.
You can also check in again later, particularly if you’re still concerned.
When should you encourage someone to seek professional support?
Friends, family members and colleagues can all provide valuable support, but there are times when someone may benefit from speaking with a professional as well. If someone has been struggling for an extended period, finding it difficult to manage everyday life or you’re becoming increasingly concerned about their wellbeing, it may be worth encouraging them to speak with a GP, psychologist or another appropriate health professional.
You don’t need to diagnose someone or work out exactly what is wrong before suggesting professional support. You can simply acknowledge that things seem difficult and ask whether they would consider talking to someone who could help.
At The Psych Professionals, our psychologists support children, adolescents and adults across a range of mental health and wellbeing concerns. Speaking with a psychologist can provide someone with a confidential space to make sense of what they’re experiencing, better understand their thoughts and feelings, and explore strategies that may help them move forward.
R U OK? also has a Find Help resource for people looking for appropriate support services.
Why checking in again matters
It’s easy to think that once you’ve had the conversation, you’ve done your part. You asked how they were going, they told you what was happening, and perhaps you helped them think about what to do next. Then life gets busy again.
That’s why the final step in R U OK?’s approach is Check In. If someone has told you they’re struggling, follow up with them. It could be a message a few days later, a phone call the following week or simply asking about it the next time you see them.
Instead of a general “How are you?”, you might say, “I’ve been thinking about what you told me the other day. How have things been?” R U OK? recommends following up sooner if someone is really struggling and continuing to stay connected rather than treating the first conversation as the end of the process.
Following up shows that you weren’t just asking because it was R U OK? Day. You asked because you genuinely cared about the answer.
You don’t need to have the perfect words
You don’t need a psychology degree, a perfectly worded question or a solution ready to go. You can simply notice when someone doesn’t seem like themselves, ask how they’re going and give them the opportunity to talk.
That’s what makes the message behind “Ask R U OK? Any Day” so important. The people around us don’t only need support on one particular day of the year, and meaningful conversations don’t have to wait until September. If someone has been on your mind, check in with them.
For more practical guidance on starting these conversations and supporting different people in your life, explore R U OK?’s Resources for Every Day.
Get in touch with our team The Psych Professionals
If you would like to learn more or make a booking, you can reach out to our team at The Psych Professionals at (07) 3823 2230, via email contact@psychprofessionals.com.au or book online via our website
📍Practice locations available in Springwood, Thornlands & Bracken Ridge.
References
- How to Ask R U OK?.
- R U OK? Day 2026.
- Resources for Every Day.
- When Life Happens.
- #FriendBetter.
- Your Natter Matters.
- Neurodivergent Resources.
- Community Resources.
- Mateship Manual: Natural Disasters and Emergencies.
- Rural and Remote Mateship Manual.
- Find Help.